Getting Lost… Just Surviving

I will apologize if this particular post is neither encouraging or supporting.  This is a true journal entry.  And for my friends that always expect me to be “UP” or have all the answers, this post is not for you.

Have you ever felt lost?  Without purpose?  Are you just going through the motions?  Just surviving to complete each day?  Do you keep telling everyone, “I’m fine”?  Usually, I don’t go into survival mode until the Spring, but the fall has hit me hard.  We are in constant motion between homeschooling, co-op, dance and swim.  And I’m just surviving.

Normally I don’t broadcast my issues across the world.  I’m not into drama.  But I think it’s important, especially as homeschool moms, we need to support each other.  Some days are better than others, and these periods are usually temporary. 

For me, I feel this period of survival is lasting longer than previous events.  I can usually “fake it ’til I make it” for a couple of down weeks, but it’s been more than a month at this point.  And I’m choosing to talk about it, because I see that I need to do more than just “fake it.”  For the last week I’ve been attempting to work myself out of it.  Started new projects.  Participated in a webinar.  Bought or downloaded new books to inspire me.

And my concern is that webinars that ask us to define our purpose, and I draw a blank (and I mean a complete and total blank).  Books that attempt to get us to picture what delights us, so we can identify our vision, and I have NOTHING.  Books that tell us if we know our WHY, we will be motivated and successful, and I just can’t read it right now.  It’s horrifying!  (I’m a bit of a control freak, so I usually know something.)

I feel lost.

So here I am, broadcasting my own personal drama, in hopes that by writing about it, I might find purpose.  I’ve always believed my kind of problems are teeny-tiny and selfish, so I don’t share.  I know others that are fighting and/or surviving cancer, or caring for loved ones at the end of their days – so they are operating  on such a different plane of survival; my (truly mental) issues are tiny.  I should not complain.

Or maybe someone out there knows exactly how I feel, and we can survive together.

So, I received an e-mail this week that it’s Hug A Runner month, and the RunTheEdge goal to support this organization this month is Random Acts of Kindness. has information about GO HARD.  Starbucks new theme is “GiveGood;” in general, show kindness.  So my goal this month while I survive, and rethink, is to be KIND; to do as many kind and unselfish things to brighten someone else’s day, and in the process I might be inspired and find purpose in my day, and learn to be GRATEFUL for the BLESSINGS I have.

Thanks for visiting today!  I am grateful for you!  May God bless you tenfold!

2 thoughts on “Getting Lost… Just Surviving

  1. Since YOU ARE IMPORTANT, any troubles you are facing DO MATTER! Your loved ones want to help you be at your best (and if they don’t, they don’t love you). It will hurt their feelings to learn that you’re faking happiness because you can’t rely on them to help.

    So, step one to getting out of your rut: identify what’s bothering you. Do you spend too much time cleaning up after others? Do you not have enough time for yourself? Are there not enough hours in the day? Do you have an irrational fear of chickens? List whatever is bothering you!

    Second, brainstorm ways to solve all your issues you’ve listed. Get the kids to pick up their own toys. Babysitters are lifesavers. Get hubby to run some of the errands. Stay away from chickens.

    Step three: tell your loved ones about your decisions. Sure, they’ll probably gripe about their new responsibilities, but if they love you, they will want to help you even if it means cleaning toilets and running interference with the chickens.

    And finally, step 4: learn to let it go. Your helpers aren’t you and will do things their own way. And that’s okay! Remember, the alternative for your level of perfection is the doldrums that you’re in now.

    Of course, your milage will vary depending on what exactly is going on in your life.


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